Funny Twitter Tweets on Life

Tweet

1. Life would probably be easier if I were atleast good at things
2. Why do they call it a happy meal if it tastes like a whole lot like depression.
3. Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone! I used one to breakup Nickelback! You're welcome!
4. All you need is love and Valentine's Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.
5. I'm being forced to attend a scrap-book party. On the positive side I have always wanted my suicide to be well documented on acid-free paper.
6. It's really very simple; I will love you unconditionally as long as you just do everything I say.
7. So, who is the genius that thought it would be wise to put the back-pain meds on the bottom shelf at Walmart?
8. "Let there be coffee!"... and there was coffee.... And coworkers saw that coffee was good... and drank it all, the bastards!
9. I'm shocked by the embarrassing things people e-mail their whole department when they leave their workstation unlocked.
10. When playing "Got your nose," make sure the victim is 1) willing to play, 2) that you're not at a urinal and 3) that it's their nose.