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- Every time you make a "your mom" joke, I call my mom to check. Most of you are liars
- It's high time we change the name of the Indian Ocean to Native American Ocean.
- "Tiger ready to quit golf to save his marriage" - I'm no therapist but I am pretty sure quitting other women would be even more effective.
- It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.
- Excuse me Ma'am, would you like me to taze your shrieking child for you?
- I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to encourage cows with body image issues.
- Ignorance may be bliss, but knowing that you're smarter than somebody feels pretty good, too.
- Shoveling would be much more satisfying if the snow could feel it.
- The beauty of this viral campaign will become apparent when one of Tiger's mistresses appears in Playboy with a Nike tattoo on her butt.
- So, this 'One Laptop Per Child' thing. Where do I drop off the child and where do I pick up the laptop?
