Funny and Odd Twitter Tweets

Name... 

1. Had to child-proof the liquor cabinet this weekend because my god is our baby a mean drunk.
2. Big weekend coming up!  My Star Trek club is going to dress as Klingons and ambush some loser Civil War re-enactors.
3. Dear Brain Storming Session facilitator, there IS "such a thing" as a bad idea and inviting me was the first one.
4. Why is there braille on drive-through ATMs.
5. BP has contained the oil spill.... to just a single planet.
6. You have no idea how hard it is to find three legged skinny jeans.
7. Sure, dinner was delicious, but now I can't get the image of what a skinless, boneless chicken would look like.
8. I've been doing a lot of plumbing around the house the last few days. Not that anything needed fixing.
   I just like exposing my ass crack.
9. Dogs in cartoons do a lot more hindleg walking than dogs in real life.
10. Sitting on my balcony and shouting out phrases like "I smell cat!" and "I have a carrot in my butt!". I like to keep the neighbors confused.