Tweet
- Life would probably be easier if I were atleast good at things
- Why do they call it a happy meal if it tastes like a whole lot like depression.
- Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone! I used one to breakup Nickelback! You're welcome!
- All you need is love and Valentine's Day is the perfect time to buy lots of things to prove it.
- I'm being forced to attend a scrap-book party. On the positive side I have always wanted my suicide to be well documented on acid-free paper.
- It's really very simple; I will love you unconditionally as long as you just do everything I say.
- So, who is the genius that thought it would be wise to put the back-pain meds on the bottom shelf at Walmart?
- "Let there be coffee!"... and there was coffee.... And coworkers saw that coffee was good... and drank it all, the bastards!
- I'm shocked by the embarrassing things people e-mail their whole department when they leave their workstation unlocked.
- When playing "Got your nose," make sure the victim is 1) willing to play, 2) that you're not at a urinal and 3) that it's their nose.
