BP Public Relations...
- The good news: Mermaids are real. The bad news: They are now extinct.
- Safety is our primary concern. Well, profits, then safety. Oh, no- profits, image, then safety, but still- it's right up there.
- Please DO NOT take or clean any oil you find on the beach. That is the property of British Petroleum and we WILL sue you.
- What a gorgeous day! The ocean is filled with the most beautiful rainbows! #yourewelcome
- This mess would be a lot easier to clean up if we were allowed to use slaves. #justsayin
- We're #1! We're #1! We're #1! In your face IXTOC! Biggest Gulf of Mexico spill EVAHHHHH!
- You didn't hear this from us, but the guys at Shell are terrible racists. #justsayin
- Now if only we can make a HUGE wedding ring to put on the leak... That would surely stop it from "putting out".
- Investing a lot of time & money into cleaning up our image, but the beaches are next on the to-do list for sure.
- We are not killing animals in the gulf, we are creating fossils in the gulf. Have a little perspective
- Think locally, act locally- if you don't live near the Gulf of Mexico, get on with your life!
Name...
- Had to child-proof the liquor cabinet this weekend because my god is our baby a mean drunk.
- Big weekend coming up! My Star Trek club is going to dress as Klingons and ambush some loser Civil War re-enactors.
- Dear Brain Storming Session facilitator, there IS "such a thing" as a bad idea and inviting me was the first one.
- Why is there braille on drive-through ATMs.
- BP has contained the oil spill.... to just a single planet.
- You have no idea how hard it is to find three legged skinny jeans.
- Sure, dinner was delicious, but now I can't get the image of what a skinless, boneless chicken would look like.
- I've been doing a lot of plumbing around the house the last few days. Not that anything needed fixing.
I just like exposing my ass crack.
- Dogs in cartoons do a lot more hindleg walking than dogs in real life.
- Sitting on my balcony and shouting out phrases like "I smell cat!" and "I have a carrot in my butt!". I like to keep the neighbors confused.
