Funny Bizarre Twitter Tweets

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1. Every time you make a "your mom" joke, I call my mom to check. Most of you are liars
2. It's high time we change the name of the Indian Ocean to Native American Ocean.
3. "Tiger ready to quit golf to save his marriage" - I'm no therapist but I am pretty sure quitting other women would be even more effective.
4. It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.
5. Excuse me Ma'am, would you like me to taze your shrieking child for you?
6. I don't buy fat-free milk because I don't want to encourage cows with body image issues.
7. Ignorance may be bliss, but knowing that you're smarter than somebody feels pretty good, too.
8. Shoveling would be much more satisfying if the snow could feel it.
9. The beauty of this viral campaign will become apparent when one of Tiger's mistresses appears in Playboy with a Nike tattoo on her butt.
10. So, this 'One Laptop Per Child' thing. Where do I drop off the child and where do I pick up the laptop?