- Darth Vader should of been made to pay back-child support for Luke!
- Dear 2012, we thought you would have flying cars and robots by now, But congrats anyway on the backwards robes and the rubber bands shaped like animals.Sincerely, 1950
- ever ever change your ringtone to an eerie or scary one around halloween because some idiot might call you in the middle of the night while you're in a deep sleep. On a related note, these stains are going to be difficult to get out of the sheets.
- Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.
- Firefighters recently rescued 2 men from an industrial clothes dryer. The men were listed in stable condition but missing one sock
- Fun fact: If you took the skin of an average person and laid it flat, you would have enough to get a pretty serious criminal conviction
- Going to dress up as Maury Povich and visit the hospital delivery room telling the guy he is not the father.
- Good News: it would be very difficult for someone to break in my house. Bad News: I'm locked out of my house!!
- Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
- Has decided to write all his statuses in capitals from now on. This one was written in London.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Some More Assorted Funny Twitter Status Updates