Funny Twitter Observation Tweets and Status Updates

Tweet:

1. Now that I know there's water on the moon, your natural spring water from the Swiss Alps bores me.
2. Nigeria wants an apology for District 9? Okay, Nigeria, we have a huge apology for you. For transfer, simply wire a small advance fee.
3. 14.9 million Americans are now unemployed. That's a lot of new blogs.
4. Japan's new first lady says aliens once took her to Venus. I'm just amazed aliens also call it Venus. Boy, we nailed that one.
5. I hopped out of bed this morning like Fred Astaire. Or anyone else, really, who has been dead for 20 years.
6. Half of the appeal of staying up late is the total absence of morning people.
7. A conference call is like a bus ride. I want it to end as quickly as possible, preferably with nobody talking to me.
8. With professor Gates off to have a beer with Obama, now would be the perfect time to break into his house.
9. I had this really kinky girlfriend once; finally I just had to tell him it was time we started peeing on other people.
10. First Rule of Turkey Club: Bacon, lettuce and tomato